WE WERE ASKED TO DO A CHEESY ’10 TIPS FOR YOUR EXPEDITION’ PIECE BY A WELL KNOWN MAGAZINE. AFTER LOOKING AROUND AT THE DOZENS OF OTHER, ALMOST EXACTLY THE SAME, VERSIONS OF THAT SAME LIST WE FIGURED THE SUBJECT WAS COVERED TO DEATH SO DECIDED TO DO A LIST OF THE 10 DON’TS OF EXPEDITION CLIMBING INSTEAD. WE ALL KNOW TO PACK LIGHT, BRING JELLY BEANS OR BRING A SMALL BRUSH, BUT NOT A LOT GETS SAID ABOUT THE STERNER THINGS THAT HELP AVOID YOU BECOMING THE CLIMBER THAT SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER.
WELL THE JOKE WAS ON US AND THE EDITOR DIDN’T LIKE IT, SO HEY HO NOW YOU CAN READ IT HERE FREE OF CHARGE.
IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER…
1) DON’T TALK YOURSELF OUT OF IT
DIVERT THE EXCUSES, NEGATIVE SELF TALK, FALSE OPTIMISM & INSECURITIES AND LEARN TO LOOK AT EXPEDITION CLIMBING PRAGMATICALLY. USUALLY 90% OF AN EXPEDITION IS THINGS YOU CAN DO, MUCH OF IT QUITE EASILY, SO RATHER THAN TALK YOURSELF OUT OF THE SMALL BIT OF HARD CLIMBING, TALK YOURSELF INTO THE REST THAT IS FATHOMABLE, TRAINABLE & FUN. EVERYDAY WE HEAR PEOPLE SAY STUFF LIKE ‘ONE DAY’ AND ‘IT MUST BE AMAZING TO DO THAT’ ABOUT THINGS PEOPLE JUST LIKE THEM DO REGULARLY – THE DIFFERENCE IS THOSE THAT DO IT DECIDE THEY CAN. WE SEE PEOPLE WHO’VE NEVER BEEN TO TURKESTAN DECIDE THEY NEVER POSSIBLY COULD, AND PEOPLE TALK THEMSELVES OUT OF CLIMBING INDEPENDENTLY ALL THE TIME, OFTEN IGNORING THE ADVICE AND FACTS WE PROVIDE THEM THAT ANSWER ALL THE PROBLEMS THEY THEMSELVES CAN’T FIND ANSWERS TO. IF WE CAN DO THIS YOU CAN DO THIS.
2) DON’T GO TOO LIGHT
GOING LIGHT DOESN’T NEED DISCUSSION BUT GOING TOO LIGHT DOES. GEAR STILL NEEDS TO BE FIT FOR PURPOSE AND WE’VE SEEN SO MANY PEOPLE HAVE TO CHANGE THEIR PLANS AFTER SUPER-LIGHT GEAR FAILED TO DO WHAT SOMETHING 100g HEAVIER WOULD HAVE DONE EASILY. AN EXTRA KG COMBINED ACROSS YOUR SLEEPING BAG, GLOVES, SHELL JACKET & EATING GEAR WILL BE EASILY WORTH IT FOR THE PERFORMANCE IT ENHANCES AND CONDITION IT LEAVES YOU IN, AND AS ABOUT 2% OF THE WEIGHT OF ALL THE GEAR YOU WILL USE IT’S NOT GOING TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE UNTIL STEVE HOUSE IS YOUR CLIMBING PARTNER.
3) DON’T UNDER-ESTIMATE THE WORK LOAD
FROM YOUR LIVING ROOM IT’S EASY TO THINK YOU WILL BE ABLE TO CARRY 30KG LOADS BETWEEN CAMPS, BUT THAT’S AN ANOMALY, NOT THE STANDARD YOU CAN PLAN AROUND. FACTOR FOR ABOUT 2/3 WHAT YOU THINK YOU CAN AND TAKE ANYTHING HIGHER AS A BONUS. DOING IT ONE DAY DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN DO IT THE NEXT, SO ACCEPT THAT.
4) DON’T IGNORE ALL THE STUFF ALONG THE WAY
SO MANY PEOPLE FLY IN AND GO STRAIGHT TO THE HOTEL, THEN SLEEP THROUGH THE DRIVE OUT, GO NOWHERE OTHER THAN TO EAT, HANG AROUND BASECAMP, THEN REVERSE ALL THAT TO GET HOME. ON TOP OF SPENDING THE WEEKS ON A GLACIER SURROUNDED BY OTHER CLIMBERS, THEY SEE AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE OF THE PLACES THEY MOVE THROUGH. DON’T BE THE CLIMBER WHO NEVER LEARNS A SINGLE WORD IN THE LOCAL LANGUAGE, NEVER VISITS THE LOCAL MARKETS, NEVER TAKES LOCAL TRANSPORT, NEVER INTERACTS WITH LOCAL PEOPLE, NEVER EVEN FLIPS ON THE LOCAL TV STATION, NEVER STEPS OUTSIDE OF THE CLIMBING BUBBLE. OR IF YOU DO – DON’T GO HOME AND THINK YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE PLACE YOU JUST VISITED.
5) DON’T SKIP MEALS
EAT AS NORMALLY AS POSSIBLE BECAUSE ABOVE A CERTAIN ALTITUDE YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO REPLACE WHAT YOU MISS AND IT’S DOWNHILL FROM THERE. EVEN IF IT’S JUST A BAR OR A MOUTFUL OF GRANOLA, GET CARBOHYDRATES INTO YOUR SYSTEM AT REGULAR INTERVALS. YOUR BODY IS ALREADY CONFUSED ENOUGH, DON’T ADD RANDOM KCAL INPUT TO IT.
6) DON’T OVER-REACH YOUR ACCLIMATION
EVERYONE’S DONE IT, THINKING THE RULES DON’T APPLY TO THEM AND THAT GETTING IN A DAY FASTER WILL BE BETTER. AND PLENTY OF PEOPLE HAVE HAD WRETCHARD NIGHTS IN THEIR TENTS IN THE SELF-INDUCED HELL OF BEING UNACCLIMATED. ONE WAY OR ANOTHER YOUR BODY HAS TO ATUNE TO THE ALTITUDE AND AS ACUTE & SHAKY THAT GRAPH IS, IT’S UP TO YOU. ALTITUDE GETS ALL PEOPLE AT SOME POINT AND THE WAY TO NORMALIZE IT IS SIMPLY TO GO EASY. THE METABILOCS HAPPEN WHEN YOU SLEEP, NOT WHEN YOU’RE PUNCHING UP THE GLACIER, SO CHILL OUT, GO EASY & AIM TO SLEEP HIGHER EACH NIGHT. THE RESULT OF GETTING IT WRONG CAN UNDERMINE THE WHOLE TRIP.
7) DON’T FORGET TO ENJOY IT
A LOT OF EXPEDITION CLIMBING IS FUN BUT IT’S EASY TO FORGET THAT. THINGS ALWAYS SEEM AGAINST THE CLOCK, OR AGAINST THE WEATHER, OR AGAINST THE LOAD AND IT’S EASY TO SEE BREAKS IN THE HARD STUFF AS MORE THAN A SIGN OF WEAKNESS. ENJOY THE SUNRISES OVER CENTRAL ASIA, THE SOUND OF THE CAMELS BEFORE DAWN, THE FACT YOU ARE IN PLACES 99.9% OF THE WORLD WILL NEVER SEE. DON’T ACT LIKE THIS HAS BEEN FORCED ON YOU.
8) DON’T GET STUCK IN A CLIMBING RUT
DON’T LET YOUR PERSONAL CLIMBING LIMITATIONS LIMIT THE CLIMBING. SEVERAL TIMES WE’VE SEEN CLIMBERS READY TO THROW IN THE TOWEL AT A SECTION OF BLANK WALL JUST BECAUSE THEY COULDN’T GET THEIR MINDS AROUND AIDING A FEW METERS ON PITONS. THIS ISN’T SCOTLAND, NO ONE CARES. WHEN ENTIRE SERACS THE SIZE OF SUPERMARKETS RIP DOWN MOUNTAINS EACH AFTERNOON, YOU PULLING ON A BIT IF HAMMERED GEAR IS IRRELEVANT. IT DOESN’Y MEAN YOU’LL NEXT BE BRINGING A POWER DRILL WITH YOU, IT JUST MEANS TO LOOK OUTSIDE YOUR OWN HEAD.
9) DON’T SCRAMBLE FOR HOME
ONCE THE TURN AROUND COMES DON’T FLEE FOR THE EXITS LIKE IT’S A BOMB DRILL. FOR A START, IT WON’T MAKE MUCH DIFFERENCE BECAUSE THE WORLD TURNS AT IT’S OWN RATE, NOT AT YOURS. BUT ALSO BECAUSE THE POST-CLIMBING PHASE IS WHERE YOU GET THE CHANCE TO RELAX. SLEEP A BIT MORE, SIT AND WATCH THE THINGS YOU COULDN’T ON THE WAY IN, STOP THINKING ONLY ABOUT CLIMBING. THE SAME PLACES GOING IN CAN BE DIFFERENT ON THE WAY OUT WITHOUT THE FOCUS OF AN EXPEDITION DIRECTING EVERY ACTION.
10) DON’T TURN AROUND TILL YOU HAVE TO
DON’T DECIDE IT’S IMPOSSIBLE FROM 500m AWAY. GET YOURSELVES WITHIN STRIKING DISTANCE OF A PROBLEM BEFORE DECIDING IF IT’S SURMOUNTABLE OR NOT, AND GIVE IT A SHORT IN PROPORTION WITH WHAT YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH. WHEN IT STOPS MOVING FORWARD RETHINK, BUT NOT BEFORE. MANY SEEMINGLY IMPOSSIBLE PROBLEMS WERE FOUND UPON CLOSER INSPECTION TO BE DOABLE. WE’VE ALL BEEN WRONG BEFORE.
11) DON’T TAKE IT TOO SERIOUSLY
ADDED BONUS FOR READING THIS FAR; IT’S CLIMBING, NOT CURING BONE CANCER, AND IT’S NOT WORTH DYING FOR. DON’T SPOIL AN OTHERWISE VISIONARY TRIP BY TURNING IT INTO SOME SORT OF SAS SELECTION-LIKE PROCESS THAT THE WORLD DEPENDS ON. ROUTES WILL WORK OR THEY WON’T, WEATHER WILL CO-OPERATE OR IT WON’T, THERE WILL BE GOOD DAYS AND BAD. LEARN TO LOOK AT YOURSELVES FROM THE OUTSIDE AND REALIZE IT’S JUST PEOPLE CLIMBING MOUNTAINS. THAT’S ALL.
