THE 10 ESSENTIALS; 2024 EDITION
10 ESSENTIALS LISTS ARE BULLSHIT – THE WORLD IS SIMPLY NOT THAT CONCISE AND NEAT – BUT THEY ARE FUN TO HAVE IF SEEN IN THE RIGHT WAY EVEN AS ONLY GIFT LISTS FOR THE LAZY CLIMBER. THESE ARE TEN THINGS THAT YOU WILL MISS IF YOU DON’T HAVE, AND SPEND TIME AND ENERGY TO RECTIFY THAT YOU COULD SPEND ON BETTER THINGS. THEY RANGE FROM THE NOVEL TO THE DOWNRIGHT IMPERATIVE, AND ALL WILL EFFECT REAL WORLD USE. ALL ARE SIMPLE TO ARRANGE AND HAVE NO REAL EXCUSE NOT TO, AND OVER 20 YEARS ARE THE THINGS WE HAVE NOTICED THE MOST EXPERIENCED TEAMSTERS ALL HAVE.
IN THE ORDER WE THOUGHT OF THEM;
1) OUTERU FACEGLOVE. WE DON’T GO ON ANY MOUNTAIN WITHOUT ONE* AND PITY THOSE WHO DO. THESE ELEGANT LITTLE THINGS RESOLVE SUNBURN, WIND BURN AND FROSTBITE FULL STOP, AND EVEN ACT AS LITTLE HEAT EXCHANGERS. BRING TWO.
2) KINDLE. STACKED WITH A MIX OF CLIMBING AND OTHER TITLES THESE THINGS MASSAGE THE MIND DURING THE LONG EXPEDITION HOURS. YOU NEED TO LAUGH, BE INSPIRED, HAVE SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT AND AN EXCUSE TO ZIP YOURSELF AWAY INWARDS AND READING IS THE ANSWER. KINDLES SURVIVE HIGH ALTITUDE USE WHERE SOME OTHER SOLID STATE DEVICES DON’T, AND GIVE YOU THE PORTAL INTO A WORLD AWAY FROM WHAT CAN BE THE OVERWHELMING EXPERIENCE OF NON-STOP EXPEDITION LIVING.
3) ESPRESSO CUP. NORMAL CUPS DON’T WORK SO BRING A LITTLE ESPRESSO ONE. ESPRESSO MATTERS BECAUSE THE SMALL, POTENT AMOUNTS HIT THE BUZZ WITHOUT MESSING WITH HYDRATION, AND IS THE SMART CLIMBERS CHOICE. DOUBLES AS A WHISKY GLASS.
4) PISS BOTTLE. WE SAY IT A DOZEN TIMES A YEAR AND YET STILL TEAMSTERS SHOW UP WITHOUT THEM THEN USE SOMETHING SUBSTANDARD FROM A ROADSIDE STORE. SPEND THE TIME TO GET A GOOD ONE, PRACTICE, KEEP IT WITH YOUR TENT GEAR, AND DO EVERYONE A FAVOUR BY HAVING A BASIC BIT OF GEAR SORTED.
5) BINOCULARS. NOT HAVING A SMALL SET ON YOU IN THE MOUNTAINS IS LIKE WALKING AROUND WITH ONE EYE COVERED AND IS MADNESS. THIS IS A SPORT WHERE THE VERY FUNDAMENTAL IS LOOKING ACROSS MILES OF TERRAIN TO JUDGE FEASIBILITY AND SAFETY AND ANYTHING THAT HELPS THAT IS AS VITAL AS A WEATHER FORECAST OR MAP. DON’T GO OVERBOAD, AS THE DISTANCES ARE NOT THAT HUGE – FIVE TO TEN KMS – AND A PAIR OF 8 X 25s WILL FIT IN A POCKET.
6) TENT SOX. NOT CAMP BOOTIES. TENT SOX ARE BASICALLY BAGS OF DOWN THAT GO OVER YOUR FEET AND ARE NOT MADE FOR WANDERING AROUND IN. THEY HAVE DOWN ALL AROUND, INCLUDING OVER THE SOLES, AND ARE MADE TO COMPLIMENT YOUR SLEEPING BAG. GET THE MOST HIGH FILL POWER AND MOST CRUSHABLE YOU CAN SO YOU CAN STUFF THEM INSIDE YOUR JACKET TO PRE-WARM, THEN GET ONTO YOUR FEET FAST AFTER YOU TAKE OFF YOUR BOOTS. THIS IS NICE, BUT CAN ALSO BE WHAT STANDS BETWEEN YOU AND FROSTBITE. CARRY THEM INSIDE OUT SO THE FACE AND DOWN NEXT TO YOUR FEET GETS THE MOST BODY HEAT. MAKE THEM SIZED SO YOU CAN FIT 500ml SILICONE FLASKS IN WITH YOUR FEET.
7) BIG TRANSLUCENT STUFF SACK. ABOUT 20L, THIS IS FOR EVERYTHING YOU WILL USE IN THE TENT. DON’T FUCK ABOUT WITH MULTIPLE LITTLE SACKS, HAVE ONE BIG ONE THAT TAKES YOUR CUP, SPOON, TOILET PAPER, PISS BOTTLE, HEADTORCH, TOOTHBRUSH, LINER GLOVES, KINDLE, COFFEE, BATTERIES etc. MAKE IT EASY TO SEE THE CONTENTS AND VOLUMINOUS SO IT DOESN’T NEED TO BE JIGSAWED TOGETHER. THE ONES THAT COME WITH DOWN JACKETS AND SLEEPING BAGS ARE OFTEN GOOD. THE ABSOLUTE BEST ONES ARE THE THIN DYNEEMA ONES MALACHOWSKI USE.
8) SNOW BAG. HAVE A DEDICATED BAG OF ABOUT 40L, IN A BRIGHT COLOUR, WITH DRAWSTRING AND CLIP LOOP. YOU FILL THE THING ONCE, DUMP IT OUTSIDE THE TENT DOOR AND PUNCH IT OCCASIONALLY TO BREAK UP THE SNOW INSIDE INTO CONVENIENT BLOCKS TO MELT. ALL MATERIALS SPLIT AND SHRED EXCEPT FOR DYNEEMA, WHICH SEEMS LUDICROUSLY EXPENSIVE UNTIL THE TIME COMES WHEN YOU USE IT FOR AN ANCHOR IN HIGH WINDS OR HAVE TO DRAG IT ACROSS A STEEP BIVY.
9) STOVE SHEET. WE ARE ADULTS SO WE COOKING INSIDE TENTS, PROBABLY 100 TIMES A YEAR, AND JUGGLING CUPS, SPOONS AND COFFEE BECAUSE YOU CAN’T PUT A HOT POT DOWN FOR FEAR OF MELTING SOMETHING GETS OLD FAST. A SILICONE KITCHEN SHEET WORKS, OR THE FIREPROOF ONES FROM COMPANIES LIKE PRIMUS. GOES UNDER THE STOVE WITH ROOM BESIDE IT FOR THE CANISTER AND POT.
10) COLOUR. REMEMBER THE BINOCULARS? IT’S A WASTE OF TIME SCOURING A MOUNTAINSIDE FOR CLIMBERS CAMOUFLAGED AGAINST SNOW AND ROCK, SO MAKE YOUR GEAR AS PSYCHEDELIC AS POSSIBLE. STUFF GETS LEFT AT BIVYS, LOST IN TENTS, LEFT IN HOTEL ROOMS, DROPPED UNDER SEATS ALL BECAUSE IT WAS A COLOUR THAT DIDN’T GET NOTICED. IF YOU WANT TO DRESS IN BLACK, NAVY OR COYOTE THEN JOIN THE ARMY, AND IF YOUR GEAR FROM YOUR CUP TO YOUR TENT BLENDS IN THEN GET A BIG ROLL OF PINK GAFFERS TAPE AND A HEAP OF BRIGHT STICKERS. EXTRA POINTS FOR RETROREFLECTIVE.
11) SILICONE FLASKS. SOME PEOPLE HATE THEM FOR DRINKING, BUT NO ONE TURNS DOWN THEM DOWN AS LITTLE HOT WATER BOTTLES. THE BEST ONES ARE THE INSULATED VERSION, THAT DON’T REALLY INSULATE THAT WELL, BUT IN THIS CASE LET THE HEAT BLEED OUT SLOWLY WITHOUT BEING TOO HOT TO TOUCH. INSIDE YOUR JACKET, SLEEPING BAG AND TENT SOX THIS THINGS MAKE COLD BIVYS DOABLE, AND GOOD ONES FROM SALOMON/HYDROPAK ARE RELIABLE NOT TO PUNCTURE.
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*WE ACTUALLY FORGOT RECENTLY IN TIBET AND HAD TO RESORT TO MEDICAL TAPE AND INSTANTLY WERE REMINDED HOW PERFECT A SOLUTION THE FACEGLOVE IS