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LIKE EVERYTHING YOU READ HERE, THIS PERTAINS ONLY TO OUR TRIPS, AND WHAT WE HAVE OBSERVED OVER HUNDREDS OF EXPEDITION DAYS.

CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF AND MARKETING MEDIA, EXPEDITIONS DO NOT NEED A MILLION BITS AND PIECES – THEY NEED A RELATIVELY SMALL SELECTION OF THINGS DONE RIGHT AND REFINED BY EXPERIENCE. EXPEDITIONS ALREADY HAVE ENOUGH TO WORRY ABOUT WITHOUT ADDING EXTRANEOUS OR SUB-STANDARD GEAR, THAT GETS IN THE WAY AND LEAKS EFFICIENCY THAT COMPOUNDS OVER WEEKS. SMALL PROBLEMS BECOME BIG PROBLEMS, AND OFTEN START AS BLINDSPOTS IN THINKING, BUT THE EFFECTS OF GETTING THESE THINGS RIGHT ARE WHAT MAKES TRIPS SUSTAINABLE AND STREAMLINED. 

HERE ARE THINGS THAT CAN BE ADDRESSED IN YOUR LIVING ROOM, WITH NO NEED FOR BIG MONEY OR INVASIVE MODIFICATIONS.

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1) DIMPLED MATS

NOTHING SHORT OF A SCAM, DIMPLED MATS ARE A HELLUVA LOT OF BULK FOR NOT VERY MUCH INSULATION. THE DIMPLES DO NOTHING EXCEPT COLLECT DIRT AND SNOW WHICH CAN’T THEN BE BRUSHED AWAY, ALL FOR THE SAKE OF 1mm FOAM THAT COMPRESSES TO ITS TRUE PROPERTIES WITH BODY WEIGHT, WHILST TAKING UP ABOUT 10 LITERS OF SPACE. DIMPLES, RIDGES, HOLES AND WAVES – THEY ALL SUCK – BUT ARE EASILY REPLACED WITH SIMPLE FLAT CCF OR EVA AT ABOUT 3mm.

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2) ALCOHOL WIPES

AT -25c THE LAST THING YOU WANT ON YOUR HANDS OR BUTT IS ALCOHOL, THAT ZAPS TEMPERATURES DOWN MUCH FURTHER AS IT EVAPORATES, EASILY TO THE POINT OF FROSTBITE. THE SOLUTION HERE IS ORDINARY PAPER TOWEL – WE USE STUFF MADE FROM BAMBOO WASTE – MOISTENED WITH HOT WATER AT THE TIME OF USE WHICH IS TYPICALLY IRREGULAR SPONGE BATHS AND AFTER THE TOILET.

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3) FOLDING CUPS

ON EXPEDITION YOUR BEST FRIEND IS YOUR CUP, AND ANYTHING THAT CAN BREAK, LEAK, SPLIT OR DEFORM IS A TIME BOMB WITH THE ABUSE IT WILL GET. FOLDING CUPS BY THEIR NATURE ARE NOT INSULATED AND PROBABLY WITHOUT DECENT LIDS TOO. ADD TO THIS THE FACT THAT THE FOLDS COLLECT GRIME AND ARE DIFFICULT TO CLEAN. 

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4) SMALL PISS BOTTLES

ONE LITER IS DIFFICULT, 500mls IS RIDICULOUS, AND ANYONE THINKING THEY WILL JUST GRAB A GATORADE BOTTLE ON THE WAY OUT OF TOWN PROBABLY SHOULD STAY AT HOME. A TENT AT -30c OR BIVY HOLE IN A STEEP SLOPE IS NO PLACE TO MESS AROUND, AND SPILLING EVEN A SMALL AMOUNT OF PISS WILL BE THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING ALL THE WAY TO THE DRY CLEANER. GET 1.5L MINIMUM FOR ALL THE EXTRA PISSING AT ALTITUDE, WHICH AT THAT VOLUME MEANS SOMETHING COLLAPSIBLE. MONTBELL SOFT FLASKS ARE AS CLOSE TO PERFECT AS THESE THINGS GET.

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5) PIEZO LIGHTERS

PIEZO ELECTRIC IGNITERS STOP ABOVE ABOUT 4500m, WHERE THE SPARK THEY CREATE HASN’T THE ENERGY TO IGNITE FUEL THAT’S COLD. WHERE A FLINT LIGHTER OR MAGNESIUM STICK WILL HAPPILY LIGHT FUEL DOWN TO ANY DEGREE OF COLD, PIEZOS WHETHER AS LIGHTERS OR IN STOVES JUST CLICK AWAY STUPIDLY.

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6) BIG DUFFELS

THOSE BIG NORTH FACE DUFFELS WEIGH UP TO 2.5kg, WHICH IS A WEEK OF HI ALT FOOD OR FUEL. DESPITE THE MILES OF HANDLES, LOOPS, STRAPS AND DAISYS THEY ARE DIFFICULT TO MANHANDLE AND IMPOSSIBLE TO STACK WELL, AND ON OUR TRIPS, ANYTHING THAT INVOLVES ANIMALS CROSSING RIVERS THEY ARE OUTRIGHT NOT ACCEPTED. THE SOLUTION HERE ARE DYNEEMA HAULING BAGS, EITHER FROM THE SAILING INDUSTRY OR CUSTOM MADE, THAT WEIGH 80% LESS THAN A DUFFEL AND ARE EASIER TO HANDLE.

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7) JETBOILS

JETBOILS ARE FOR PICNICS AND DO NOT COPE WELL WITH THE PROLONGED AND INTENSIVE DEMANDS OF EXPEDITIONS. THOUGH RELATIVELY EFFICIENT, THEY PUT OUT LITTLE ENERGY, COMPOUNDED BY THE VERTICAL MECHANISM THAT MAKES THEM UNSTABLE AND TIME CONSUMING TO KEEP EFFICIENT IN EXTREME COLD. THE POTS DON’T WORK WELL WITH OTHER SYSTEMS, NOR DO THE BURNERS WORK WELL WITH OTHER POTS, AND THOUGH THE CLIP-TOGETHER DESIGN HAS REAL ADVANTAGES IT ALSO WORKS AGAINST THEM, MAKING THEM FIDDLY TO BLEED AMBIENT HEAT INTO A TENT SPACE.

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8) SHOWA TEMRES GLOVES

THESE MAY BE ALL THE RAGE IN HYALITE BUT THEY ARE AWFUL ON LONG TRIPS, WHERE THEY DO NOT DRY ONCE EXPOSED TO EVEN A LITTLE MOISTURE. THE MYTH IS THEY ARE FROM THE JAPANESE OFF SHORE FISHING INDUSTRY – THEY ARE NOT – THEY ARE ACTUALLY FOR CLEANING SNOW OF YOUR DRIVEWAY AND SELL BY THE MILLIONS IN GARDEN CENTERS ACROSS THE COUNTRY. REAL JAPANESE FISHERMEN OFF HOKKAIDO IN WINTER WEAR $300 INSULATED AND SAFETY RATED GLOVES, AND YOU SHOULD TOO, AT MOST BRINGING ALONG SOME SHOWAS TO SAVE YOUR GOOD GLOVES WHEN DIGGING SNOW CAVES.

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9) TREKKING PACKS

IT IS A BASIC FAILING OF LOGIC WHEN THE THING YOU CARRY A LOAD WITH IS A SIGNIFICANT PART OF THE LOAD ITSELF, WHICH MEANS ALL THOSE OVER-DESIGNED AND OVER-BUILT HUGE PACKS. PROPER EXPEDITION PACKS HAVE NONE OF THE JUNK THAT CONSUME ALL THE WEIGHT OF THOSE TREKKING PACKS, THAT ARE FESTOONED WITH ZIPS THAT BREAK, STRAPS THAT SNAG, PADDING THAT ABSORBS MOISTURE AND FRAMES THAT COLLECT SNOW.

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10) STUFF SACKS

YOU NEED ORGANIZATION, SURE, AND STUFF SACKS HELP, BUT YOU DON’T EVERY SINGLE IN ITS OWN SPECIAL BAG, INSIDE AN ORGANIZING BAG THEN INSIDE A BIGGER ONE. THINGS LIKE SLEEPING BAGS, TENTS AND JACKETS PACK MUCH BETTER JUST STUFFED, AVOIDING ALL THE DEAD AIR SPACES THAT MAKE PACKS LUMPY AND FLOPPY. WE SEE PEOPLE SOMETIMES WITH 1kg ALONE IN LITTLE BAGS, AND THAT’S BEFORE GETTING TO THINGS LIKE CRAMPON BAGS, BAGS FOR HARNESSES, BAGS FOR ICE SCREWS AND BAGS FOR STOVES. A FEW LARGE, IDEALLY TRANSLUCENT, STUFF BAGS TO MANAGE MISCELANEOUS STUFF AND KEEP TENT SPACE ORGANIZED ARE INTEGRAL, BUT WATCHING SOMEONE SHOE HORN THEIR GEAR INTO LOTS OF BAGS THEN JIGSAW IT ALL INTO A PACK WHILST THE WIND HOWLS IS JUST AN EXERCISE IN WASTING TIME.

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